There are some people who refuse to help themselves
Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ…
Each person needs to “ carry his own load.”
For every man shall bear his own burden…
The Apostle Paul was telling us :
Galations 6:2 … We need to… “carry each other’s burdens,”
and then a few verses later to us ,
Galations 6:5 …telling us that each person needs to “ carry his own load.”
Sure sounds contradictory … at least on the surface.
But if you look a little closer , here is what we find …
Galations 6:2 … The word for burden in the original language …
actually applied to a load or burden that was
too heavy for one person to carry alone.
Galations 6:5 …The word for “load” means a load that
one is quite capable of carrying himself.
Yes, we do need to help one another in times of need when one’s burden is too heavy to carry alone,
but there are times when helping to carry another person’s load ,
when he or she should be carrying it alone …
is not helpful.
These are the times when we need to say no, and this is a very positive and actually the very best action to take.
For instance, there are some people who are takers.
They take all they can get and give little if anything in return.
There are also those ones who are self-centered or selfish.
To do for them what they can , and need to do for themselves …
is not loving or helping them ,
but hurting them , … and ourselves.
It keeps US weak and reinforces THEIR laziness and selfishness.
These people are so used to getting ( or manipulating to get) their own way
and they don’t like taking no for an answer.
Chances are they will try to make you feel guilty when you say no.
Remember, too, we don’t need to justify ourselves when we say no.
“Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’
‘No, I won’t.’
Your word is enough.” – Matthew 5:37 (NLT).
One of the greatest difficulties we face as friends and family is ..
How can I help ?
Few of us take pleasure in the suffering of others , and are intensely compassionate towards those to whom we are connected.
Will our help strengthen or weaken the one needing help .
There are some people who refuse to help themselves.
Martyrs suffer because they get a payoff:
They feed an image that says, “I don’t deserve anything better, so I’ll continue to endure this.”
Along with the martyr stroking his or her self-esteem for being so willing to suffer,
comes the denial of personal responsibility, which says, “I don’t have any choice.”
Other people aren’t willing to make an effort to help themselves out of laziness .
So how do you help those who won’t help themselves?
People that don’t want to change will sometimes project their helplessness onto you
by making you helpless to help them.
Even though they manipulate you into helping them, no matter what you do,
it will fail, because they want to remain helpless and don’t want to change.
Others will want you to do for them what they aren’t willing to do for themselves but expect you to do for them.
Jesus recognized people could be like this when he asked the lame man who lay by the pool of Bethesda for 38 years,
“Do you want to get well?” (John 5:1-6).
We can easily feel like a failure when dealing with people like this, and they may even accuse you of failing them.
At the same time, if you refuse to take care of them, they will take it as a rejection
and try to make you feel guilty about saying no.
Our giving is healthy when we give because we want to …
not because we feel compelled to give out of guilt and misplaced responsibility, are afraid to say no, or we want the person to do a certain thing in response (2 Corinthians 9:7).
Healthy giving allows you to detach yourself from the person’s response.
It is your choice to help; it is the other person’s choice to use that help how they want.
When you find yourself wanting to help people who won’t help themselves, change your response to their helplessness. Decide what you are willing to do and not do in the future.
When you do it, do it because you want to and can let go of your expectations about the person’s response;
conversely, if you don’t want to do it, then don’t.